Too Good Too Bad
by JuicyJellyJam
Summary: Faye tries to deal with Spike's death/herself when Ed appears with news about someone who already managed to mess up her life before.. Please Review


Too Good Too Bad  
  
Wasn't it just great, this pathetic, messed up hell my life had somehow turned into? And I couldn't do anything to stop it getting completely out of control. You know what happened?! I fell for a guy without even noticing it and only realized it when I practically begged him not to leave me. It was so sad that it almost became funny when you really thought about it.  
  
I, Faye Valentine, once promised herself, that she would never become one of those women, who can't hold a guy even if their life would depend on it and still throw themselves to his feet to beg. Now look at me: I couldn't stop Spike from getting his stupid ass killed even after I threatened to shoot him myself. If that isn' t what you would call pathetic, love-sick and desperate, I don't know what is.  
  
Of course I was completely devastated. How could I compete with a heroic,dramatic death and the fullfillment of his dream: life (even if it was afterlife) with his beloved, sacred Julia-angel. I know that compared to that I don't seem like the preferable choice : a cheating, stealing, mentally scarred antique from the twentieth century,that has recently developed a drinking problem ( I guess that's Spike's good-bye present: he has left the slut, even more emotionally crushed than he has found her, to drown in her own shit. I bet he and Julia sit on their fucking cloud and can't stop laughing.)  
  
But I guess I can't really blame him, that is all I ever let them see. It's ridiculous, but I hide myself behind my skimpy clothes and bad behaviour. I don't want anybody to see what lies underneath all that. Last time I tried to show it, I was used and thrown away like some fucking toilet paper. Isn't that really funny? My career is really incredible: from being the feared and mighty Poker Alice, who always won, I have turned into not-even-the-fluffy-kind-of toilet paper.  
  
Well, the good side of it is, that I now have the rest of my peachy life to forget him and the shame of being so completely and utterly dumped without even a single look back. Isn't that encouraging?  
  
She lifted her head from the sticky counter and called out to the bartender: " Give me another Vodka..... no wait....I think I'll take the whole bottle...."  
  
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I think there's no need to mention that I'm not really a happy drunk and let's just say that I'm even less of a morning person. Especially when I have this kind of hangover that makes you want to die a slow and painfull death rather than move your head or open your eyes.  
  
Unfortunately she had to do both when the door was slammed open and she felt a heavy weight throw itself enthusiastically on the upper half of her body. This was accompanied by a high-pitched voice that yelled in an annoying sing-sang: "Faye-Faye happy to see Ed-person? Ed and Tomato are back!!!!! Hoooraaay!!!! Oh, Faye-Faye looks grey!!!!"  
  
I seriously doubt that she meant grey, rather the shade of green one tends to become when someone is bouncing on your stomach the morning after some heavy drinking. The relief and joy she felt from having Ed back on the ship were slightly diminished by the burning acid she felt rising in her throat and the pounding in her head that made any rational thinking almost impossible.  
  
Nevertheless she still managed to sit up,smile weakly and say: "Faye -Faye would be even happier to see you, Ed, if you would NEVER EVER jump on me like that again...." before she had to run to the bathroom.  
  
When Faye was finally able to emerge again and started to walk to my room, she saw Jet standing in the hallway. His serious expression and tense posture immediately indicated that he knew about her recently drastically increasing bar visits. But since it was obvious that eventhough he started to threaten to throw her out, if she don't `pull herself together´soon, he was really too goodhearted to do that. It was also clear that deep inside he himself was hurt that Spike had left just like that, as if they didn't mean anything at all. As if they weren't becoming something like comrades or some kind of weird family....at least that was what she always thought .  
  
So before he could actually start their usual conversation, which normally tended to be quite one-sided since Faye never really responded anything, she quickly asked the first thing that came to her mind:  
  
"Uh...so Ed came back...um..what about the dog?" God...no need to say that I get quite slow when having a hangover...I guess it won't be long until I kill my last braincells and join our tragic hero...wouldn't that be just sooo romantic.... slutty girl smokes and drinks untill she is braindead just to be united with main guy again....  
  
She snapped out her thoughts when she heard him say: "Of course Ein's back again...in contrast to her father he wouldn't leave Ed just like that...."  
  
Well for once I wish that Spike was more like that stupid dog...great, I never thought that I would ever come to think something like that....  
  
"...Looks like he's glad to be back as well, I think I saw him chewing quite happily on your boots.."  
  
She definetly felt her headache becoming stronger as she groaned in annoyance: "Oh fuck! I knew it was way to early to get up....but I swear I'm gonna kick his damned dog ass when my skull stops breaking apart..." She was about to walk away when she heard Jet's voice again: "She doesn't know it yet....I didn't know how to explain to Ed, that Spike..."  
  
Her back and shoulders visibly tensed up, while she snapped: "Then don't say anything! She will figure it out soon enough...the kid is supposed to be a frickin' genius after all...can't be that hard for her then. Besides, as long as she doesn't ask..."  
  
And with that Faye continued to hold her headand slowly walk back to her room. Behind her she could feel Jet's stare on her back, before he let out a long defeated sigh and decided to return to his bonsai trees. He knew that as long as her as she was in that state, there was no sense in talking to her about her new found love to alcohol binges....  
  
The day just keeps getting better and better...The kid causes more problems than she's worth! I definitly don't feel in the right condition to casually pat her on the back and explain her that this particular member of the only family she ever had didn't give a damn about us.He prefered to die for some kind of fuckin' dream than staying with us (what the hell was that shit of seeing if he was really alive about anyway?! He seemed pretty much alive when he kept calling me names and bitching around..) I know I will be in heaven, when I can finally put my head on my pillow and just pass out....  
  
It became pretty clear that this was just wishful thinking, when Ed bounced on her bed again and screamed right into her ear: "Faye-Faye where's Spike-person?! Ed wants to see Spikey-Spike!!! Ed very impatient!!!!"  
  
"ED STOP BEING SO DAMN LOUD! I'M HUNGOVER NOT DEAF!" Faye burst out while she felt her head exploding. Ed actually stopped, which was quite surprising considering the fact that Ed never really listened when someone told her to shut up. But when she finally looked up she noticed Ed's hurt expression. Her big glistening puppy eyes stared accusingly on Faye. Fayed groaned inwardly, everything had to go wrong today. "I'm sorry, Ed" she sighed "but I'm really not feeling well..." She knew from Ed's expectant and determined look, that she wouldn't let her alone and in peace untill she told her about him...and Faye knew that she was not in the right condition to resist Ed, when she started to really bug her.....  
  
"Listen Ed, Spike already left some time ago...we don't know where he went..and ..I don't think he will come back, even if he was still...." Faye trailed off and swallowed. To her surprise Ed didn't ask any more question and just continued to stare at her with a really weird and unreadable expression on her usually smiling face. Then she quickly ran out of the room without another word  
  
Great Faye! This was definitly comforting and understanding....if she is somehow mentally scarred for life because of your gentle words (after all you can never tell what exactly is going on in her head and how much Spike had really meant to her...) then you are responsable for not only srewing up your own life, but someone else's as well....  
  
She gladly embraced the comforting, unfortunately only temporary, blackness that started to come over her exhausted mind and fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
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When Faye woke up hours later, her head still trying to split itself in half, but overall she could feel some considerable improvement. Her stomach had calmed and now only hurt because she was so hungry, but that was something she was used to anyway. After some coffee, cigarates and maybe even something to eat, she knew she would be almost fine again. On her way to the kitchen, she saw Ed typing something into her computer and making strange noises like usually, which relieved her a lot.  
  
If she had some mental trauma,Ed wouldn't act like that, would she? I can't see anything unnormal, at least nothing that is unnormal for her, so she must be ok....it's a relief to see that Spike and his dissapearance have no real impact on at least one of us... Shit,why is there still no food in the fridge?! You would think that when there is one person less to feed, there would be at least SOME food left...  
  
Ed's sudden outcry, made Faye bang her head against the hard wall of the fridge and Jet, who had been trimming his bonsais in the living room, cut a much more away than he had intended.  
  
"What the hell..." was all he could get out, while Faye groaned and rubbed her head,that was starting to ring harder again.  
  
"ED FOOOOOUND IT!!!! ED FOOOOOUND IT!!!!" Ed chanted, jumping all over the furniture of the living room untill Jet could take it anymore and yelled: "For God's sake calm down!" as an afterthought he also added "What have you found that is worth the damage you caused to my tree?" since he knew that Ed wouldn't stop untill she could tell them what had excited her so much.  
  
"ED HAS FOUND SPIKE-PERSON!!! VERY DIFFICULT; BUT ED FOUND SPIKE-PERSON ON MARS!!!! SPIKEY-SPIKE NOT AWAY FOREVER!!!!!"  
  
I'm sure that I couldn't close my mouth for a few minutes after that. I could only continue to gape from Jet to Ed that was still bouncing around. This was so unexpected that I wasn't sure if I should actually be happy and all that crap, or simply be frustrated that Spike again managed to force himself into my life, just after I thought I could try to start accepting his death....At the same time I felt my headache come back full force.....  
  
((AN : So what do you think?! This was my very first fanfic, so comments, plot suggestions and constructive criticism would be welcome!!!!  
  
Oh and English is not my first language and on top of that my spellcheck is not working......so show some mercy if there are some hideous mistakes that escaped my eyes....^ o^  
  
The whole story was really spontaneous, so I already have problems to think of a way to continue the story and the whole Spike/Faye thing....any ideas?!  
  
And of course I don't own Cowboy Bebob (otherwise I would produce a sequel with some S/F waff in it......)  
  
oh yeah the title comes from the CB song "Too Good,Too Bad"  
  
Thnx for reading that far!!!!!!!! )) 


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